Parental Alienation: A BIG Mistake
Children often identify more with one parent over the other, whether due to developmental stages or temperamental similarities. This is a natural phenomenon that occurs in most families and is due to no fault of either parent.
However, when one parent intentionally undermines the relationship between a child and the other parent, there becomes an issue of parental alienation, and it is serious. In fact, parental alienation is taken so seriously by the court that it can result in primary custody being awarded to the otherwise “alienated” parent.
What are some examples of parental alienation?
Making Disparaging Remarks
An all-too-common example of parental alienation occurs when one parent makes disparaging remarks about the other parent directly to or in the presence of their child. Divorcing parents are often consumed with feelings of such intense pain and anger that they cannot see the difference between a bad partner and a bad parent. Despite how obvious it may seem, not everyone realizes that, to a child, a negative comment about their parent, even when coming from the other parent, is received as a negative comment about the child themselves.
The courts in New York are keen to issue automatic non-disparagement orders, barring either parent from making any negative comments about the other in front of or to the children. In some cases, where the disparagement is extreme and ongoing, the offending parent’s time with the child can be relegated to supervised visitation.
Denying Parenting Time
The end goal of someone engaging in parental alienation is to break the bond between their child and the other parent. One steadfast way to make that happen is to deny or frustrate the other parent’s time with the child. This can happen, for example, when the non-custodial parent has a difficult work schedule that requires flexibility.
Custodial parents will often try to “punish” the other parent for requiring flexibility by denying adjustments to the parenting schedule. While constant adjustments are frustrating and do not always need to be accommodated, there is a very real expectation placed on the custodial parent to foster the relationship between the child and the noncustodial parent. Denying reasonable flexibility when scheduling parenting time is typically viewed as a decision made without the children’s best interests in mind.
Gatekeeping Information
Another common tactic used by an alienating parent is to deny the other parent access to information regarding the child. This may include anything from sharing access to medical appointments and records, sharing details about extracurricular events, scheduling parent-teacher conferences at school and so on. Being excluded from these important interactions in a child’s life can be extremely isolating, but the Court will not look kindly upon it, and it will almost certainly backfire. One way to potentially avoid this situation is to work with a parenting coordinator, who will serve as a neutral and ensure that information is properly shared.
Proving parental alienation is not easy. In cases where parental alienation is alleged, an attorney will likely be assigned to the child(ren) to hear from them firsthand and examine the legitimacy of the claims. When proven, parental alienation can result in the offending parent losing substantial access and freedom to parent their child.
At Artese Zandri, we help couples prepare for marriage and navigate divorce. If you or someone you know has questions about family law, reach out to us for a complimentary consultation at consultation@artesezandri.com.