What “Couples Therapy” Teaches Us About Divorce (Yes, Really)

If you have ever found yourself glued to the show Couples Therapy on Showtime—equal parts fascinated and heartbroken—you are not alone. As family law attorneys practicing in New York City, we cannot help but notice the striking overlap between what unfolds in Dr. Orna’s office and what plays out in our conference rooms with clients who are navigating separation and divorce. 

Of course, by the time people land in our office, they are usually past the point of scheduling another joint therapy session. But the emotional patterns, the communication pitfalls, and the slow unraveling of what brought them together in the first place? That we see every day. And watching Couples Therapy sometimes feels like watching the prequel to many of our cases. 

We thought we would share a few insights from the show that resonate deeply with the work we do—and how understanding these dynamics can actually make the legal side of divorce a little more manageable.

1. The Way Couples Fight Says More Than What They Fight About 

One of the show’s biggest revelations is that couples rarely fight about the “thing” on the surface. The argument about laundry? Not really about laundry. The debate over spending? Often not actually about dollars. The fight about the kids? Sure, it is about the kids—but it is also about fear, identity, and a longing to feel valued. 

In our office, we see the same thing. When couples are divorcing, communication has typically been strained for years. By then, the original issue has been buried under layers of resentment. What remains are patterns: defensiveness, withdrawal, blame, and scorekeeping. 

Understanding that dynamic helps us help clients. Divorce is not just a legal process—it is an emotional unwinding. The more aware clients are of these dynamics, the easier it becomes to move through negotiations without relitigating every wound from the past decade. 

2.  Each Person Has a Story—and None of Them Are the Full Story 

A fascinating element of Couples Therapy is how differently each partner describes the same shared experience. One will say the marriage broke down because of emotional disconnection; the other will insist it was financial stress; a third version may quietly emerge once someone feels safe enough to say it aloud. 

This is also why one of the first things we do as divorce attorneys is listen. Truly listen. 

Not because we are therapists (Dr. Orna is the expert there), but because understanding a client’s emotional narrative helps us understand what they need from the legal process. Is it stability? Autonomy? Predictability? Closure? Protection? 

Two people can live the same marriage and have totally different needs in divorce. Recognizing this early often prevents misunderstandings later—and helps keep things grounded in practical decision-making rather than emotional escalation. 

3.  Avoidance Makes Everything Worse 

One of Dr. Orna’s most impressive skills is getting people to talk about what they have been avoiding—sometimes for years. In fact, avoidance may be the show’s unofficial villain. Partners avoid conflict until it becomes explosive. They avoid telling the truth until they feel completely disconnected. They avoid expressing needs until those needs calcify into resentment. 

In divorce, avoidance can create real-world consequences. We sometimes see clients who have delayed difficult conversations about finances, parenting, or separation because they hoped things would magically improve. When avoidance follows them into the divorce process—avoiding documents, avoiding decisions, avoiding communication—cases become more expensive, more stressful, and more time-consuming. 

Facing the hard stuff early—especially with professional support—often leads to faster, healthier outcomes. No cameras required. 

4. People Want to Feel Seen (Even When They are Ending a Marriage) 

A consistent theme in Couples Therapy is the universal human desire to feel acknowledged. Even couples on the brink of ending their relationship often soften once they feel truly heard. 

We see this often in mediation and settlement negotiations. When each party feels their perspective is at least understood—whether or not anyone agrees with it—the conversation becomes more productive. Compromise becomes possible. The hostility eases enough to make real decisions about parenting schedules, asset division, and the future. 

You do not have to validate an ex-partner’s version of the marriage to reach an agreement. But mutual acknowledgment, even in small doses, can dramatically lower the emotional temperature. 

5. Healing Is Not the Same As Reconciling 

One of the show’s most refreshing truths is that not all couples stay together—and that does not mean therapy “failed.” Sometimes the most therapeutic outcome is clarity, dignity, and a path forward, whether shared or separate. 

We believe the same in divorce. A respectful, well-structured separation can be an enormous step toward emotional healing for both people. Divorce is not the end of the story—it is the beginning of a new chapter. And doing it thoughtfully means fewer loose ends, less bitterness, and more space to rebuild. 

Final Thoughts: A Little Perspective Goes a Long Way 

Couples Therapy offers a rare window into how relationships work—and do not work. For us, it reinforces what we see in practice every day: that divorce is not just a legal decision but a deeply human one. The more clients understand the emotional landscape, the easier it becomes to navigate the legal one. 

If you are considering separation, already in the process, or simply curious about how the themes of the show relate to your situation, we are here to help. Email us at consultation@artesezandri.com to schedule a complimentary meeting.